TBT: From the Pixie Files

Originally posted 2016-12-15 17:00:48.

This was originally written as part of the first of my #100days; week three put me in June of 2015, with hopeful determination and motivation that I would learn how to take care of my life properly. I’m a work in progress, but I can definitely say, I’ve learned so much being so forthright with my journey.
There are parts of the original content that I’m removing, as it is neither important to the story here, or it is a bit too revealing. In my desire to show accountability in my choices, I revealed plenty to the readers. Sometimes a bit too much.
Come with me as I start to journey toward a healthier life!
Most (though there will be several that wish to add other categories, I am stating “MOST”) people who are obese fall into one of three main categories: genetic, traumatic health change, or simply bad choices. Since I’m really not capable of laying blame on a genetic level due to lack of available information, I will say that in all honesty, it was bad choices on my part. I’ve always been “the fat girl”, and was roughly the same size (save the time near the end in the truck, when I had really packed on a semi’s worth of blubber) from grade 7 (12 years old) all the way through my life. I have only grown an inch and a half since grade 5 (stunted growth due to abuse and malnutrition… it is real, and it is not fun).
My bad choices? Once I was independent and responsible for my bills, apartment, groceries, etc. at age 17, I took the learned method of horrible nutrition I had grown up with and ‘ran with it’. “Pre-internet days” does not excuse the fact that there was knowledge available to me if I sought it out. I knew that others were eating “3 square meals a day”, and some were having up to 3 snacks as well and “the Canada’s Guide to Healthy Eating” with the four food groups was also not something I could deny knowing. It was however the mindset at the time that I was young, I had always been that size, and that I was still active. I was going to clubs and dancing. I was going to rallies and protests and walking endless kilometers. I was helping build houses for Habitat for Humanity. What I didn’t realise though was that the damage that had been set into my mind from the start was festering out of control even then.
I own the fact that I perpetuated the unhealthy lifestyle. I take full responsibility for my own actions on this. I had by that point nearly twenty years worth of horrible views on food, coupled with a crushing self-defeating damage to fix. Sadly, I was no where ready to be honest about the situation, nor was I bound and determined to be as proactive as possible so it wouldn’t blossom into something potentially life threatening.
I guess the main point of what I’m getting at here is the fact that I really don’t want someone else to wait as long as I did. Your body is the only one you get. As amazing as science and technology are, they cannot replace the “all” of “you”. Once you’re dead, you’re finished. No do-overs, no re-writes, and definitely no “oops, I flubbed that, can we just start over from ‘x’ point?”
Though a large demographic of the world would take one look at me and make a generalised horrifically incorrect assumption about my eating habits, I consciously have to remind myself to eat three meals a day now. The fact that I look like I could easily eat my weight in spam in a single serving doesn’t help that. Fun fact: I’ve never had spam, and have no desire to make its acquaintance ever in the future either, let alone ever eat my weight in anything I do like.
I’m not even a ‘binge’ eater when I’ve had no meals throughout a day. I will eat a larger portion than should be consumed in a single serving, but nothing grotesque by any means. Three slices of pizza is my limit, even if I’m starving. That’s the problem though. Until I started this project to get healthy, I was practically always starving.
“But you’re obese! How can you be starving?”
Let’s just say if my metabolism was trying out for the most sluggish and least productive Olympics, it would win gold every day. Sending your body into starvation mode is a detriment. It’s not a positive means of burning calories and especially not an effective means of weight loss. Essentially, I have been a “fat anorexic” for years. Without even trying, I go for days without eating, and when I do eat, my body is so out of whack, that it is craving ‘easy calories’ – carbs, sugars, etc.*
*Dec 15 Update: I finally had a doctor who took me seriously enough to order tests to see what is going on inside of me. Turns out, I have hypothyroidism, very badly in fact, and it is killing me slowly. I’m on medication (for the rest of my life) in order to try to help with that. We’re still working on adjusting levels of the meds to ensure it is combating my nasty thyroid issue.*
I will be training my body to learn to eat healthy for years to come. Possibly the rest of my life in fact. Getting used to how things are now, as opposed to how they always have been. The issue generally has been that during times of stress in my life, there is lack of funds (hence the stress) among many other things.



Sera Hicks on Blogger
Sera Hicks
Creative Journey Leader, Intern Supervisor, Admin, Writer at Geeks and Geeklets
Geeky Hobbit-loving Whovian. Lover of chocolate, cats, and crafty things. Writer, Creative Journey Leader. It has to be better tomorrow.