Originally posted 2016-10-21 12:00:19.
How dare she call me a lil demon!
I scrunch myself down into the tiniest possible position I can, and my eyes dilate, working out the exact calculation I need.
I pounce, not so much graceful as I am flexible, so I bounce more than fly.
My teeth try to find purchase in her skin, and I am readjusting every second bite to find softer, tenderer, bite-worthy patches.
“No! Stop it you lil demon baby! Go do macrame or something! Stop biting me!”
I ignore her. I am the greatest biter in all the land.
She shall know no mercy. I am fearless.
She grabs me by the scruff of my neck as my teeth sink into the valley between index and middle fingers on her right hand.
“ENOUGH!” She’s using the tone now that means she’s serious.
I increase my speed, and I’m now biting her with ferocity that rivals samurais and hurricanes and black holes. I am going to be victorious. I am …
How dare she?! Put ME, on the floor?
Now I’m angry.
I dive at any skin I can connect to, but my balance betrays me, like it has some secret treaty with her that forbids me to reach her.
I race under the bed to get the speed I need to leap upwards onto the mattress. She will pay for her insolence now!
I am blocked at the last second, by a… A PILLOW? Who blocks the great and powerful with a pillow? I try to catch sight of her fingers; at this point, anything will do, even a tough knuckle. I will make her rue the day she tussled with me!
“Stop this right now, you’re being a bad boy.”
Minsc and Boo could take lessons from me at this point. I rage, and I unleash the full fury of my being. I growl I’m so incensed at her non compliance with my desire to bite!
This dance is starting to wear me down though, I shall admit that.
I won’t be defeated by a pillow. I must…just… lay down for a minute. Or ten. I shall regain my strength and attack again once my body has rested. I fought valiantly, but I know when to retreat and survey all I have made mine in my various conquests over the last two fortnights.
I succumb to sleep, as I feel a soft hand reach out to stroke my face.
“There’s my sweet baby. Shhhh, sleep now.”
I yawn, and know I shall be victorious. She won this battle, but I will win the bite wars in the end.