Oh, Does it Suck to Work Out


Originally posted 2016-01-16 08:00:03.

With New Years comes resolutions, at least that is what I hear.  What a crock of excrement. What doofus thought that it would be a great idea, to make goals just because the calendar restarted, big whoop.  Well regardless of how bad of an idea I think resolutions are, I decided to go ahead and make one…..well kind of…..well really I made it silently to myself and then just happened to purchase all the equipment that was needed to carry out my crazy goal.

I bet about this time you’re asking “What goal is that?”  Well at the bright age of 33 I decided to be a Astronaut…..nope…..not at all….I did the cliche “I’m gonna lose weight, by lifting weights.”  What a great idea that is, let’s big up heavy weights as an exercise that way my muscles break down and tear, then my body gives me the big finger and says “Great asshole now I have to heal all this shit!”  Which in turn burns a ton of calories, not to mention leaves you feeling like you ran with the bulls in Spain, (Another dumb goal if you ask me, that is for later.) Then just about the time you start feeling like a human again, you get to do it all over again…..hold your applause, this is just the start.   See week 2 brings more weight, like you needed that right.  Week 1 you start off all light, well at least I did just to see if my range of motion was even capable of handling it, which I made it through week 1, again hold all applause until the end.  I guess I will tell you my routine which is fairly intense for a noob brah like myself, without further delay welcome to my hell:

 

Day 1 Legs (Shit)

Squat 4-5 sets for 3-5 reps

Leg extension 5 sets for 10 reps

Hamstring curl 5 sets for 10 reps

Calf Raise 5 sets for 20 reps

Glute bridge 5 sets for 10 reps

Barbell hold 2 set until failure (This is for grip, so you know when I start throwing around elephants and things I can hold on tight.)

 

Day 2 Chest (Oh yeah)

Bench press 4-5 sets for 3-5 reps

Incline Bench 5 sets for 10 reps

Chest fly 5 sets for 5 reps

Push ups 5 sets to failures (Can do whatever kind, you know because normal doesn’t hurt enough.)

 

Day 3 Back

Deadlift 4-5 sets for 3-5 reps

Kneeling rows 5 sets for 5 reps per arm

Shurgs 5 sets for 10 reps

Barbell row 5 sets for 10 reps

Wide grip pullups 5 sets to failure
Day 4 Shoulders

Military press 4-5 sets for 3-5 reps

Lateral raises 5 sets for 10 reps

Front/Back raise supersets

Shoulder Press 5 sets for 10 reps

Shurgs 5 sets for 10 reps (These ones are shoulders to ears.)

 

Day 5 Arms

Barbell curl 5 sets for 3-5 reps

Close grip bench press 5 sets 3-5 reps

Seated deficit curl 5 sets for 10 reps

Tricep overhead extension 5 sets for 5 reps

 

Day 6 Accessory (Basically everything hurts, so take it easy.)

Hit the big 3 Squat, Bench, Deadlift

Whatever else you feel like doing, which is usually laying on the mat in the fetal position.

 

Day 7 (Yep, 7 of them in one week.)

Cardio, or body weight exercise.
So as you can tell it is intense especially if you are just picking weight lifting back up. Which is either my best idea or worst, I have yet to decide.  I know my body is revolting, considering all I can dream about is cake mountain and taking a face nap in icing.  However through all the pain, the hard work and suffering, I feel way better, even after just a week and a half. My body feels like, I got tossed around like Shia LaBeouf in Constatine however I know it will heal and when it does I will feel better, stronger and will ultimately reach my goal of being brotasticaly buff dude.

 

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