Week 6 in Review – Sera’s #100days: An Interview with a Friend


Originally posted 2015-07-19 23:35:23.

So a girlfriend of mine, from Hamilton, Ontario (Canada) had a nice little idea during these #100days, to see my responses to a few things. She wants to do a few more questions in a few of weeks as well, to see what’s changed.

I did record the actual skype chat we had, so I could have my verbal answers held, but I’m going to answer these (now a couple of weeks after we did the initial “interview”) as they are on the screen now.

If you have any questions you’d like to ask, please feel free! I’d love to answer them.

D asked: “Are there milestones that you have set within the 100 Days?”

Me: “Kind of yes, kind of no. Sorry for sounding wishy-washy, but I’ll explain.”wishy washy“Nothing specific, but I do have checkpoints that I want to make sure I acknowledge.

For instance, I’m not going for a specific weight at this time, or even measurements. I am however hoping to sleep better, eat properly, walk further, improve my mental happiness, and be properly supportive to all those that are on their own journeys.

As this continues though, I have realised that I *do* actually know where I want to go as far as weight/size, but I’m not demanding my body to get to that stage immediately. I’d rather take the weight and inches off productively and keep them off permanently.”

D asked: “How do you feel after having a healthy meal versus former choices?”

Me: “I guess the simple answer to that is two-fold. I always knew how to eat properly, I rarely was able to afford to, however. There were days that I didn’t eat at all, and would then try to fill the void with the least expensive (yeah, you can read “cheapest”) food available – $0.79 box of pasta is a lot more “do-able” than an $8.99 roasted chicken and $2.99 bag of mixed salad. Especially when you only have a Twoonie on you.

Canadian $2.00 coin

“Twoonie” – Canadian $2.00 coin

I knew how I wanted to eat; most of the time I just wasn’t able to do so. When I did have times when I would, it would be about 6 months or so, and then something catastrophic would change and I’d be scrambling to make ends meet again, and my dietary needs would always be the lowest on the list of necessities.

Now, when I eat a fruit salad for lunch, there is a delightful sense of calmness, because I don’t have any lingering guilt of “you shouldn’t be eating that!” or the sensation that I have been somehow doing something bad or wrong because I haven’t eaten at all, and now have to try to make up for four days of starvation with as much food as possible. I’m learning how to enjoy the flavours of things, and though

toot my own horn

toot my own horn

I have always been a good cook (oh yeah, that horn is a ‘tootin’ for sure, because I KNOW I’m a very good cook!), but now I enjoy coming up with meal ideas, and testing flavours and marrying different regions together in a meal.”

*Side note: I make salads that are better than a milkshake… seriously – all the boys will eat my salad and want second helpings!*

**Another note: I have started to do Skype chats specifically at meal prep time with the lady who did this interview with me, so she can have ideas for her own dinner. Due to her influence, and several others gently prodding, I’m going to start video’ing this time so that I can share it with people on a broader scale, as I apparently am “really fun to make meals with” as a few have commented. So maybe one of those links will make it into a coming weekly blog article.**

D asked: “What are some of the specific things that you are doing for your emotional health?”

just be better at being nice to yourself.

just be better at being nice to yourself.

Me: “Several things in fact. It might be easier if I just bullet-point them. Though, let’s face it; they’ll start that way and end up being explained.

  • I want to get out of bed in the morning. I forgot that at one time in my life, I was actually a very happy morning person. It’s been over twenty years since that was the case though.
  • I actually am going to bed at a decent time, so I am actually enjoying sleep now. Being depressed is a horrible feeling (no duh, Sera!) – meaning that it physically isn’t a pleasant one, added to the mental issues it drags around with it.
  • I am kinder to myself, and less likely to be as defeatist if there is something I didn’t accomplish in my day (i.e. – now if I don’t write for a day, but I have taken care of a plethora of other things, I don’t harangue myself mercilessly for hours lying in bed about that one task I didn’t accomplish, but rather I have tiny “Yay you!” moments where I am actually honestly delighted at the other positive things I DID achieve during the day.
  • I am finding myself less defensive and more apt to talk about my weight, plans for healthier living, etc.
  • I appreciate my changes, and am excited to see how these days and weeks unfold.
  • I look forward to creating meals, and even eating them. That’s the big one – the enjoyment of food is still relatively new to me. Even when I could afford to eat properly, it was ‘get it in and
    mmmmmmmm

    mmmmmmmm

    move onto the next stage of life’ kind of situation. Now, once I plan on making coconut curry lime soup, I can (like now) almost smell the intoxicatingly delicious aroma of the flavours melding in the pot, and my salivary receptors kick in to the point I can nearly taste it. I try not to think about chocolate too often – I doubt I’d get anything done in my day, just sitting around, waiting for someone to deposit chocolate in my mouth like I’m some sort of humanoid version of a reverse ATM.  Brain, stop. We have work to do.

  • When the negative mindset kicks in now, I focus on it. I ask myself some very simple yet deep questions.
    • What benefit does this [destructive thought process] have to my current situation?
    • Will *this* even matter an hour/week/decade/century from now?
    • Am I being negative to feed some need [though I cannot for the life of me at this moment figure out what reason anyone would NEED to be a crab apple], or is there an actual underlying cause?
      • For instance when I snapped at the hubs when he was being kind during that first walk, but I was so defensive that I didn’t want to see he was being supportive.
    • How can I change this attitude, behaviour, and mindset? Can I alter it permanently? If yes, how soon?
  • I refuse to allow my old destructive rhetoric to invade my days. Instead of being convinced that I couldn’t possibly enjoy a day fully, I set out to see what adventures each day will now bring. It’s pinkie pie winkmuch more rewarding, and I find I smile more than I did before. I always thought of myself as a chipper kind of person, but now, I am nearing (shall I be so bold???) almost… bubbly. Only time will tell if this is going to grow into something or if perhaps this was always the “me” that didn’t have a chance to show itself for most of my life due to the situations I was (including those that I had placed myself) in, until I was healthy, stable, and able to see past “it has to be better tomorrow”.

 

D asked: “Have you given thought to your 50, 75, 100 day awards?”

Me: “You betcha! Day 50 is going to be a HUGE reward for myself – Though the one I had also hoped for (going to visit people), isn’t going to happen right away because of finances. I’m alright with that though.

Day 50 is going to be my second tattoo – I’m hoping for a charm bracelet, but it might change if they aren’t able to do it the way/size/colours that I’m hoping for. I’ll let you know though, as that’s bound to be one of the Weeks in Review.

Day 75 I’d LOVE to get a GoPro Hero – for video recording.

the video camera that I can adventure with!

the video camera that I can adventure with!

This will be one step closer to preparing myself for the adventures I want to go on with the cute boy. I’ve mentioned before that he’s a scuba diver, and I’m hoping by the end of the year to at least start on that process myself if I haven’t already

by then. I want to be fully versed in the abilities and features of this video camera before I hit the water, so I’m not trying to figure out how to be a good fish and a good videographer at the same time. It excites me that I could possibly be fixing myself to get to the stage where I CAN get scuba certified.”

D asked: “What will happen at 100 Days, will you continue and if so in what way?”

Me: “Well, I’m definitely getting my third tattoo… that’s the actual clumsypixie. I’ve been waiting for this for literally decades now, hoping to find a way that would showcase how I see my “inner pixie” –

*giggle*

*giggle*

wow does that ever sound silly. (No, not being harsh on myself, just kind of laughing at the fact that I’m trying to imagine my hubs with an “inner pixie” and all I can come up with is a musketeer-moustached flying chemistry hobbit. He’s waving little beakers around and plumes of smoke are trailing after him… See? pretty funny. Now I want a tattoo of that on me as well!)

As far as continuing, I think I’ll take a break from counting days for awhile, and just continue with my healthy lifestyle. If I do start up again, it would probably be with a specific set of goals – the next time it might be about getting to a certain weight/size and the rewards will be more monumental – scuba certification, a pony… just kidding. Not sure yet, but I think if I will start again, it might be so it ends December 31. Oh no… that means I’ll have to do math. *cry cry cry* {{{ I think that makes it September 23rd – if I counted correctly – that I will have to start up phase 2 of #100days}}}.”

D asked: “You have had challenging moments now in your 100 Days.  What are a couple of examples from the week and how did you react and navigate them?”

Me: “At first, it was training myself to eat three times a day. It was … annoying to be honest. Three meals? Whaaaaaa? Come on, didn’t I just feed that gullet like 10 hours ago? *le sigh* But then it became a fun exercise. I wanted to break my fast in the morning. I started looking forward to what I might want to make for myself for lunch. And ooh, what would taste yummy tonight for dinner? The food has become kind of interesting, and dare I say, even enjoyable?

There are days I don’t want to do anything. At all.

*overwhelming sadness can be debilitating*

*overwhelming sadness can be debilitating*

I want to sit on the bed, and play Minecraft all day and all night and just be with my online friends and not think of anything. Those are times that I am feeling kind of defeated and want to hide. Those are the times I don’t allow myself to be rewarded by Minecraft. So if people didn’t see me for weeks at a time when I first started this, it was because I wouldn’t reward a negative behaviour. You have to remember, I’m correcting 40 years of undisciplined, rotten, destructive lifestyle choices. This isn’t going to be easy. I have to keep reminding myself that I have to be consistent in order to achieve my goals. And let me tell you, I’m an unruly 40 year old petulant disobedient brat. How DARE I try to order myself around and tell myself to get off the bed/couch/chair and go for a walk!?! Who do I think I am? Do I think I have my best interests at heart? Yes. Yes I do. I am bent on making sure that when I see something that tries to creep in and fester or decay all the hard work put in already, I’m going to be vigilant and protect my new life from the old patterns.

dare to be something you always were.

Dare to be something more than what you always thought you were.

Just because something is comfortable, doesn’t mean it’s right.
Your favourite t-shirt was brand new at some point. It wasn’t always the one you want to climb into. It took time to make it just right. That’s what I’m doing for myself finally. I have a new lifestyle and I’m going to make it so amazingly comfortable that I don’t want to ever look back at that horrible moth eaten prickly smelly old one.

____

Reward for week 6: it’s on back order, but when it arrives, I’ll gladly add it to the collection of happy things. And since I already know what it is, I’ll share it with all of you.

Pop! Doctor Who - Adipose Royal Baby

Pop! Doctor Who – Adipose Royal Baby

Have a spectacular week everyone!

Happily stumbling sideways through life, always hoping for a better tomorrow.
Sera Hicks on Blogger
Sera Hicks
Creative Journey Leader, Intern Supervisor, Admin, Writer at Geeks and Geeklets
Geeky Hobbit-loving Whovian. Lover of chocolate, cats, and crafty things. Writer, Creative Journey Leader. It has to be better tomorrow.