Week 11 in Review: Letter to Someone Special – Sera’s #100days


Originally posted 2015-08-23 15:48:16.

Dear Rin,

I wish I could hug you in real life. Someday, I really really hope that it happens.

You changed my life. You saved me.

And I’m not even sure that “thank you” is enough. In fact, I know it’s not. So that’s why I got your permission to do this public letter. I want everyone to know. I love you, and I appreciate the fact that you breathe (yeah, keep that up, I want you around for a few more decades at least!!!), and make us laugh, and… well, thank you.

A year ago this week, you finally convinced me to find some money, somehow, and buy a game from Mojang – Minecraft. “It’s great” you said. “You’ll love it!” you said. Understatement of a lifetime.

So August 30, 2014 I bought the game. And you endured 10,000 questions at least.  jungle spawn

kittens

 

 

 

But I didn’t quite understand… what was it called again? *giggles at myself*

mind craft...

 

 

 

You were in the midst of Clinic Craft, and still took time away from that to answer questions as I had spawned in a jungle on my single player game. Thankfully, I did have the sense to make it as a peaceful one (didn’t learn about creepers for another week or so).

my very first minecraft screenie. I was so proud.

my very first minecraft screenie. I was so proud.

I think back to how eager and scared and delightedly nervous I was – and was I overwhelmed? Yes. You suggested I come onto the {MAIN} server, and take a look around. I hadn’t even figured out how to make a torch, and was confused why I couldn’t just give the random piggy near me my loaf of bread. Was it super-glued to my square hand?

Serverus to the rescue!!!

Serverus to the rescue!!!

Get inside after being whitelisted and looking around, I got worried that I wasn’t going to learn it all fast enough and everyone would want to kick me out and laugh at me. But no one did. Still, I was *so* confused.

my first post.

My first post in the Some Awesome Minecraft group.

Sera Merrin

I’m trying to figure this out and feel like I’m trying to tie my shoes with a potato and a skateboard

Amber Rin Rife

LOL that’s exactly how I felt

TELL THEM THAT IN CHAT

*** Remember ^that^ moment in CT when you were showing me the area where the chests are and the lounge and then outside of CT? ***

I still chuckle about it now.

That nervous excited energy that creeps into your bones and grips you and shows you just how amazing something can be, and you want to be a part of it because you just know it is something valuable and fun and memorable.

You were determined for me to have this, and had even suggested a few times that it might help with how I was dealing with life. I’m not even sure how much you knew at that point, but I do know you had seen a lot of it from my nervous breakdown in October of 2013, to starting to piece my life back together, failing miserably, and yet you never left. You were always around, giving a kind word or tagging me in something that would distract me from my world of insanity and sadness and extreme loneliness.

You never questioned our friendship, nor did you ever demand things I couldn’t easily share. I stumbled a lot in those days, scared of my own shadow pretty much.

no lotion needed, thanks to Rin

If only my dreads were that cool IRL

Rin, you’ve given me something that no one, not even the wonderful hubs I [now] have, could ever hope to gift me.

No, I’m not talking about my first skin that you made for me, although it really is so cool, and I’m glad I can “visit” it on novaskin, even though I’ve changed it to suit my cyan pryde and shorter locks these days.

I’m talking about the community you introduced me to, and the amazing people I didn’t realise I’d fall completely in adoration and love with. A group of people that didn’t know anything about me. They didn’t know how broken or flawed or shattered I was. They didn’t even care. That’s not to say they lacked compassion, but rather that it bore no difference in how I played the game.

I stumbled through my first hour with everyone, and was scared I’d ‘wear out my welcome’ so I said thanks and left for the night. I didn’t know people came and went on their own for hours/days/weeks, even months at a time, and would be welcomed back with open virtual arms.

September 9th, 2014 I started to officially play with the group. I started on what was to be classed as the “New 1.8” server, and had some pretty funny starting hours there.

shhh, I know it's a pig now... it was dark.

Shhh, I know it’s a pig now… it was dark.

I am a killing machine!

I am a killing machine!

I got my first cb 9/11/14

I got my first cb 9/11/14

I was delighted to be connected to such wonderful people. The immediacy that everyone had welcomed and accepted me was mind-boggling. Ever the Mistrustingpixie, I didn’t believe that this would last.

How can an entire group of people be all in one place together and be this decent? This cordial? This… delightfully insufferably good!? How is a Depressedpixie supposed to stay depressed and sad and miserable when she’s [virtually at least] surrounded by the likes of Rin, and Caff, and EL, and Wonderwoman??? And then along come others too! A chicken man! A Lady T! The amazing Starry! My lovely PING! Oh my! And a Troll and a Quest and everyone’s lil’ Mina… and then the Wolf of the Road and the Camo Mama with her three kittens (who doesn’t adore Ginger’s lovely manners, or Awesomeboy’s desire to include everyone, or lil Monkeyman’s hilarious shenanigans??) What is a Pixie to do with all these lovely people? Surely they will find out what is going on in my world, and they will dismiss me as yesterday’s rubbish.

let me hug you. please.

Let me hug you. Please.

So I stayed closed off, and just played the game. EL taught me how to mine, and Caff made sure I didn’t starve to death those first few days. I know I stepped on toes, I probably still do. I was prepared to bolt, and did for a couple of days even, when I thought I had completely messed up and was going to be kicked to the curb. Tossing my guards up, it’s easier for me to push others away than to be abandoned again.

But they, like you, didn’t push me away. Especially when things got really bad. REALLY bad.

When I was worried and sick and out of money and wasn’t sleeping, and was staying up all night and most of the day, trying to figure out what to do next in my hibernation.

You’ve been there for me in ways that most of the world never saw, as we have had a fairly private friendship. We Supernatural’d together, fell in love with the Winchester boys together, and called one another “ijit” for not being ready to watch the next episode when we were needing our pie fix.

you've been there, all along

Let that sink in…

Rin, you were there, like Bastian. All the time. Watching, caring from a distance, even while your own world was less than copacetic.

How does one begin to thank the person who gave her not only one friendship, but a server (or two) full?

This became my extension of life. My virtual reality, which was honestly more fun, creative, wonderful, calm, quiet, logical, and healthier than the literal reality I had swimming around me.

On the server, I was becoming a part of something magnificent. In reality, I couldn’t get to the man I loved, and wasn’t able to be there when he needed me by his side, let alone the flip when I needed his arms of support. We endured, but in all honesty, I don’t think I would have survived it as well as I had, without the comfort of this community, and that’s on you, Rin. I’m happily and lovingly placing the kindest blame ever on your shoulders.

You showed me a group of people that could see past pain and were willing to just get to know ME. For ME.kitten cloud

It still boggles my mind, and honestly I feel like a Rockstarpixie when I log in and am bombarded with the happy cheers of “PIXIE!!!!” and

 

 

 

 

“YAY!!! PIXXXXXXXIEEEEEEEEEE!!!!” and “hey whovie” – I love my rebel girl who refuses to accept I have switched to Clumsypixie officially now. Makes me giggle every time.

When I’m really sad, and I kind of feel selfish for saying this, I will purposely log in to NuNu when I know certain people are on. Why? Well, if I see your name for instance, I realise you’re only going to be on for about 10 minutes, and of course I want to see you “in game” as much as possible. I know; I am definitely silly, but that reinforcement of friendship sometimes changes the dark clouds to fun lil’ puffy happy ones that look like kittens. (Thank you, Google, for not disappointing!)

I know I should go, let you get on with your day.

I just couldn’t continue doing these reviews without sayin’ “Oh dear Rinikins, I love you to bits, thanks for giving me the one thing I didn’t realise I needed more than I did. You gave me hope. You gave me respect. You gave me a chance. You gave me love, and most of all, you gave me friendship.”

With an overabundance of delightful pixie hugs and kisses galore,

I love you, Rin.

Thank you.

Sera

 

Happily stumbling sideways through life, always hoping for a better tomorrow.
Sera Merrin
twitter: @theclumsypixie
Did you miss my previous weekly reviews?

 

Sera Hicks on Blogger
Sera Hicks
Creative Journey Leader, Intern Supervisor, Admin, Writer at Geeks and Geeklets

Geeky Hobbit-loving Whovian. Lover of chocolate, cats, and crafty things. Writer, Creative Journey Leader. It has to be better tomorrow.