When Truces Cannot Be Reached.

Originally posted 2010-08-06 09:33:19.

I find it funny how I make a post about guildie relationships and how to make them better and get into it with a fellow guildie right after. But this is a situation I feel goes above and beyond the whole ‘I hate you, you hate me’ type feelings and greatly affects the value I placed on this person as a human being.

Trouble Brewing

So we are sitting around last night waiting to see if one of our tanks will be showing up for the raid. As we are sitting there, TankA, who I have mentioned in the past as not seeing eye to eye with, is looking at people who are around him and their arena scores.

Now let me just break here for a second and say that TankA thinks he is the king of the arena, and will tell you so…over and over and over again. When someone else is doing arena he will say “Look at MY arena score. Bet you cannot top that.” His score is around 2600, which I will admit is good, but he is also the type of player that will say if you cannot play arena you suck at WoW…

So back to the story. So he is looking at people’s scores and cue the dialog which happened over vent.


Me – Resident Tree!

TankA – Resident Jerkface

WarriorofAwesome (WoA) – female warrior in the group

Cue the scene:

TankA – “Who is ShammyofCoolness? Anyone know?”

WoA – “Yeah I know her. She is in my old guild.”

TankA – “Wait that is a chick? Like a real chick or a dude trying to be a chick?”

WoA – “Like a real chick.”

TankA – “Can’t be. They have a 2800 arena score and girls cannot play arena that well.” *Let me add that this was in not a joking tone but he was laughing in an insincere way* 

Me – *Cue O.O face and sit in shock for like 5 seconds. *

WoA – “Ummm its a girl…..” *cue her O.O face here*

Me – “Are you kidding me TankA, like really, you have to be kidding? That is the most sexist thing I have ever heard.”

TankA – “No I am serious, girls cannot get arena scores like that.”

Me – “I cannot believe the amount of disrespect you have for woman. There are two of us in vent right now. And you have the gall to say something like that?! That is the ****ing rudest thing.”

WoA – “You know Sarin, lets me thankful that he is here now and not out there in the world treating woman like that.”

*Silence enters vent as I think the group (of mostly men) is processing what just happened. I rant to my husband a bit who is sitting there shaking his head at TankA’s rudeness. I also write the raid leader and apologize for flipping,  he asks me why it took me so long to tell him off in the first place. <3 RL! *

About 2 minutes of silence goes by….

TankA – “Sarindre I am sorry but you got to understand my point. I have played arena since it first appeared in WoW and I have never seen a women on Blackrock play arena. They are all men and they are better than anyone. ”

Me – “Let me stop you right there TankA. I do not want to hear this at all. Just because on one server you do not know a woman who plays arena does not mean they do not exist. Most would probably not talk to you because of the constant s*** you spew. Just remember the next time you get beat in arena there is probably a woman sitting there laughing at your fail. Maybe you should think before you open your mouth. ”

*Again quiet came over vent and our other tank never showed so we called the raid. Me and WoA went down a vent channel and I got to hear what happened on her end!*

WoA – “TankA whispered me and asked what he did wrong.”

Me – “You have got to be joking…”

WoA – “Nope. I told him that girls can play a game just as well as boys can and just because he thinks he knows what sex someone is, it does not give him the right to be sexist and rude. Especially with two females in vent!”

Does Gender Really Matter?

Now let me add in here that being 15 weeks pregnant makes me a little…testy. But, I also have thought that there really is no line between males and females, especially in gaming where anonymity is everything. We are characters on a screen, but behind there lies a person with thoughts and feelings. And such blatant disrespect should not be tolerated. If I had the chance I would say this all again to him and I would hope that any person that heard such a thing would agree.

One person in our guild said to WoA that she needed to switch to healing since that was all the females in the guild could do. I have never had this happen in our guild before and since it has, I have lost a lot of respect for both the males who produced these comments.

 This lead me to think about the importance of gender in a game. When you get into vent and you find out a female is tanking, do you leave the raid? How about when the raid leader is a female? In our guild, most of the healers are female… should the few male healers be ridiculed? Where do we draw the line on this? I have seen amazing female tanks and had great female raid leaders. But I have heard stories of males being put in a raid group where a female was leading and just leaving because of that.

Being females plopped into a male dominated hobby, it can be hard to fit in and find your place. There are many females that do not speak on vent for fear that if the men find out she is a woman, they will not respect her as much. To me this is just sad. We should not be afraid that we will be judged on being females, but seen for our skill and aptitude in the game.

Have you ever seen this situation? How did you handle it?

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I am a 29 year old from Pennsylvania. I am married to a wonderful husband and we have two children both named after super heroes! A girl who is 4 and a boy who is 1. Most of my time is spent working, being a mom, and gaming.