Originally posted 2010-08-04 12:46:01.
I think we would be all be hard pressed to say that we all love EVERYONE in our guild. There are always going to be people who just have miss-matching personalities and will butt heads. Generally, there is nothing wrong with this. Many times it can bring up interesting debates and strategies when they are not seeing eye to eye.
But what happens when 2 guildies hate each other so much that they will not work together at all? Or when one hates the other and friction arises.
When I first joined the guild I am in almost 3 years ago they had no Resto Druids in the guild and my first night in the guild I was made a member of group 1 and was in Kara. Everyone in the group was awesome and welcoming. I was trying hard to be my friendly and outgoing self as well. We had a great time and I started running with them regularly.
After a few months of joining the guild I was made officer and was also giving the healing assignments in 25 mans. I started to notice a female, FemaleX, in the group was being kinda snarky with me. She never spoke on vent, but when I asked a question she would readily ignore me or give 2 words answers. I did not really mind, I was still fine running with her and just letting it be. Then another person in the guild, GuildieA, mentions to me that FemaleX was saying how much she hated me and could not stand to raid with me, but that since the Guild Leader, who was also our Raid Leader, and me and him hit it off rather well she was just going to ignore me and not heal me.
This was sort of a problem. We were part of the healing team in 10 and 25 mans. However, I kinda just laughed the situation off and pondered what I could have possibly done to make her hate me so. I asked GuildieA if they heard why I was disliked, to which I was informed that FemaleX “did not like the way I talked to guys on vent and in guild.” Cue O.O face from me.
Now, I am an outgoing person and I am friendly with everyone. I talk in vent, I talk in guild. I just like to have friends in the game. My husband, then boyfriend, is also in this guild and he has never had any problem with what I have ever said to another guy in the game. So I figured she did not like that I would joke with the guys and be a female that gets in on the “guy talk,” which happens because over 95% of the guild is male. Also being a female that is not afraid to talk in vent I would get a lot of the “oh its a girl” comments, which I think bothered FemaleX as well.
Do I think this is all my fault? I guess I will take some of the blame. I am chatty with the guys and I understand some other females might not understand and think it is wrong. Do I think making friends and communicating with them is wrong? Heck no! We are free to talk to who we want to. Just because I talk with Joe Warrior does not mean I am in love with him and want to be with him forever. We are just friends. I have way more guy friends than girl friends, that is just how it has been in my life.
So I decide to take some action and see what the real issue is. I send FemaleX a message through the forum system, a system that I know she uses because of other communication we all had as a group on there once. I ask her if she has a problem and if there was anyway we could talk out our issues. I check the boxes to be notified when the mail was read. I wait a week and still she has not read my mail. I decide to take a more direct approach and send her a tell asking if she had a minute to talk…No response. *She was talking in guild at the time so I know she was there plus someone else whispered her a little “hey” to see if she would respond and she did*
Perplexed and not wanting to ruin a raid or any group chemistry, I go to my GL and ask him about the situation. He is a close friend of hers as well and tells me that he knows she really does not like me and he does not know why either.
This continues for a long while. And is seeming to get worse and worse, even though I stopped talking as much in vent during our 10 mans runs to see if this would calm her down. After a while, and for completely non-related reasons, my husband and I decide to take a little WoW break. The break only lasted about 3 – 4 months but it was nice.
We come back and everyone seems pretty excited. The guild is currently working on the ToC and Ulduar instances. My raid leader tells me that I have my spot back in group one and obviously 25 mans. I am excited to hear this, but then he throws in this little bit of information…FemaleX refuses to do any raids with me, so for 10 mans I will take her spot on bosses she does not need and she will not be attending most 25 mans. Again cue the O.O from me. I think this is completely crazy and he tells me he will be seeing what he can do about this.
Feelings in a Game?!
Needless to say, I felt pretty down. I would get tells from people during raids what would ask why I was sitting or why she was (neither of us had ever been sat during a raid in the past unless requested by us). I just tell them it is a rotation, trying not to feed the fire of the situation any more. Some people knew what was going on and would send me tells of sympathy and sometimes anger at what was occurring. How these people knew I am not very sure, but I know the situation was traveling fast around the guild.
I will not lie, I was upset. Not just upset, but pissed. I was not only mad that I had to miss raids and could not play with my friends because someone ‘didn’t like me very much’ but also because I was never given a clear reason as to why. Not that it would have changed much, but I feel we would have talked and worked out something. Maybe not though, no one can know for sure. But I knew I had taken the right steps into trying to create a working relationship with this person. And in the end, it was the best that I could do.
No Love for You!
There will always be someone in the guild that rubs you the wrong way. For instance there is a person in my 10 man that I cannot see eye to eye with ever. We completely clash on many different levels. Does raiding with him make my life horrible? No. Do I think he makes raids harder to enjoy? Yes. Would I ever refuse to raid with him? No. As I have said in posts in the past, raiding is not just about a singular person getting great loot, it is about the accomplishment you feel when you finally down The Lich King with your friends. By yourself you could not have gone in to ICC and beat that punk, but with your 9 or 24 other companions you could.
We are only as good as the sum of our parts, but that does mean that all the parts have to love each other 24/7. But if we can suck up our emotions for 2-4 hours of raid time, then we can achieve a lot more.
After a while, my husband and I decided to quit WoW for a bit again since we were dealing with a move and being newlyweds. This break lasted a while, we did not start playing WoW again till The Lich King was released. But I did not want to deal with the late raid times so we moved servers and played in a friends guild. A few months passed and we went back to our old server and old guild ( I can never stay away from them). I was no longer in group one because they were full and I was so far behind on gear from being gone. But it was fine, another group needed my husband and I as members so we joined them.
Now that we are back again. I have very little interactions with FemaleX, usually only in 25 mans. She still does not talk to me nor answer me but I feel there is less friction. She even resurrected me the other night. Something I do not think I have ever seen. I have no idea what changed with her. Did she find that the reasons she disliked me were silly? Did she just learn to ignore me? Who knows. I do not think I ever will. But I am ok with that. As long as we are able to work together on raid nights and down bosses I am happy.
Guildie Drama. What you can do.
Having and issue with someone in your guild? Try these methods out for size:
1. Try talking to the guildie and seeing if you can work out your issues. Maybe this is all over a silly misunderstanding! Maybe there is a deep issue going on. You will never know till you talk.
2. Talk to an officer. Most officers are here to help out. They have duties they follow and try to make the guild “mesh” better.
3. Officer does not work, talk to the Guild Leader. Yes, usually they are busier with other guild things, but this is matter that can affect how a raid will go. No matter what people think, most GL’s want their guild to be happy and work well with each other.
4. See a guildie talking down on another guildie in g-chat and no officers are on? Take a stand. Ask them to cool it or take it to whispers. Tell them that g-chat is not the place for public drama. Make sure you let the officers know about these issues.
Now, I am not about /ignoring guildies, no matter how things may be going. (Harassment of any kind is a different matter and a different issue. I am not addressing this here. If you are suffering from harassment go to your GL right away and if it does not stop talk to a GM.) Normal annoyance is really no reason to mute or /ignore someone in your guild. What if they are a tank and are talking about specific fight strategies? What if they are a healer and are out of mana? There are plenty of reasons to not want to speak to someone or hear what they are talking about. But at least in a raid situation, it is better to hear all 24 other players then have an issue when you are blocking 1 or 2.