I am anything but what I wanted to write about today.
See, my new BuJo is here, in Antigua, waiting at the shipping container terminal hard thing and I have been sitting downstairs, impatiently waiting for my neighbour’s car to come into the driveway. Again. He’s left and come back twice.
Both times, my anticipated eager happy YAYAYAYAY my creative journal is here!!!!! moment is stolen in the time that doesn’t transpire with him walking to the front door of this villa. He’s left three times in total today, and I’m not gonna lie, the last one (over nearly 2 hrs ago) has had me mentally and physically pacing the floors in anticipation.
I haven’t even seen this journal up close before, just in the BuJo group and the one Trey had.
If it would just get here!!!
Meanwhile, all three of the flealions (Nia, Kaylee, and Tyri) are all delightfully blissfully sleeping the day away, relaxed a.f. Jealous?! Hells yes! I wish they’d wake up and pace with me. Scratch that. I don’t think I want them pacing with me. 12 extra feet carving grooves in the floor might cause the landlords to charge us for new flooring to go down!
I am trying to stay relaxed though.
I have five days worth of catching up to do in the book, and I am eager to start it already! I so rarely honestly ask for anything, when I do it is all the expectation and disappointed moments rolled into one. Will I like it? Will it work for me? Can I maintain it? Yes, I do believe if I am able to calm down enough, I will greatly enjoy this.
I have gorgeous blue butterfly stickers from my sweet Savvy that are going in it as well.
I wish I could relax properly today. Well, ever actually, but that’s a whole other story. I’m in therapy for that, amongst other things, so maybe someday I’ll be a chillpixie. That is one of the reasons I chose this as one of the words this month. I need to learn how to be patient with myself and relax more.
I realise I grind my teeth more when I’m anxious.
When I’m holding the shift key of life basically.
Lemme explain that comment.
I am a Some Awesome Minecraft player. I love the servers, and the players. After a tumultuous summer trying to get settled, resettled, resettled,and resettled again 5 unpackings of stuffs last year), I barely had time to get on, let alone enjoy myself without internet disconnections, etc. I digress. There was a point to my ramblings, I swear. The idea that when you’re up in the air playing in a vanilla survival mode, you get fall damage and die.
If you’re like me, you quickly earn the title of clumsy, and soon whovian is being changed to clumsypixie because even though the whovian part still very much fits, clumsypixie is more fittingeristicalish.
I realise that I am up in the air a lot. Maybe that is why for my birthday a couple years ago, 4 different people gave me special boots to help combat my insane need to be so high.
Holding the shift key helps immensely.
But my pinky gets tired very quickly (I don’t really blame it, it has recovered from multiple breaks and sprains over the years), and soon I’m having to scootch back from the edge of death in order to give myself a bit of reprieve.
So I can relax THEN for a few minutes, but then I’m anxious to get going again, and I push past the pain and cramps. Because I don’t know how to relax.
And still I wait.
*Two hours later*
I’m currently charging my phone up for a bit and then heading back downstairs to colouring in my first doodle: a zentangle butterfly that caps my YAAG (year at a glance).
And now? I’m relaxed. The anticipation and wonder and happy delight are still here, and I’m oh so excited to share this happy trek with everyone in the BuJo Basics that Trey and I are working on (this past Monday didn’t see one due to me still not having this, but come Monday next!? We’re in the pages, learning trackers and listers and all the planable things!
What do you do to relax?