TBT: Pixie Files: Friendship


DekaFriends Foundation

Friendship.

There will be several topics that cover this, as it’s not a “one article” kind of conversation. It is however, a multi-layered, happily life reward.
True friendship doesn’t happen instantaneously, but it can begin with as little as a shared smile.

Today, we’re going to look at ten of the areas (though to be fair, these are NOT all of the ones that are necessary for a proper, healthy, viably long-lasting friendship to endure.
Let’s see what these [current] ten are:

Communication, honesty, respect, trust, dependability, kindness, compromise, humour, patience, and finally compatibility.

Communication.

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You’ll see this come up in almost every area of healthy living, because without communicating – friends, family, your vet, your doctor, your dentist, your cashier, your wait-staff, your lawyer… without communication, there is every possible host of misunderstanding available to be wrought.
It is the mixture that blends all the foundation pieces together – the concrete if you will.

Honesty.

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This is like the rebars in your concrete; yes, your ‘friendship’ will hold together for a time, but without this, the structure is weak, and be it one, hundred, or a thousand days into the friendship or more, there will be a signal that the honesty is gone, never was there, or never intended to be. Which leads to…

Respect.

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If there’s no respect, there is no real friendship. Think of this as the mesh overlay of the concrete flooring poured into the foundation frame. Yes; just as the rebar isn’t 100% essential to the building, it will prevent cracks to spread. Respect shows there is a willingness to understand, compromise, and maintain the friendship through all weather and worry.

Trust.

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I know for myself, if I don’t trust the person, I can’t respect them, because I don’t believe they are honest with me, and are therefore probably not communicating effectively. When people say one thing, and do another, it violates the trust and shows their true self. Sometimes it’s out of boredom, sometimes bullying; others feel the need to feel superior at any cost, because of their incredible insecurities. Simply put: you can’t make others trust you, but don’t give others the reason not to trust you in the first place.

Dependability.

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I’m not talking about necessarily being there to hold their hair back after a pub-crawl. I mean being present in the relationship. If there’s proper communication, you shouldn’t have to give excuses or reasons for not being available for something, or ever present. That’s communication and trust. Being dependable shows you are capable of doing so much more than showing up for the good times (or bad, as oddly enough, there are emotional vampires and energy sappers who will only enjoy life with you when you’re busted or at your worst. We’ll touch on this again in other conversations, as these are not healthy people to be around.

Kindness.

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This is a really deep one, and will have proper weight put on it in future articles as well, but there are some “do’s and don’t’s” to keep in mind with this.
Don’t gossip about your friends, or your enemies for that matter.
Do be genuine and generous with your compliments.
Don’t be petty and shallow. Everyone is guilty of it, but stop yourself if you catch yourself doing it.
Do be a positive light in the world.
Don’t trash others to somehow try to embolden the friendship with someone else.
Do be decent.

Compromise.

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Remember when you were little {even if you were an only child, there’s a pretty safe chance you were socialised in some manner, with cousins, neighbours, etc.}, and either you or the other kid{s} playing were called BOSSY and other not so nice terms? When we thought that being bossy was just about the worst thing EVER? It still is. Don’t micromanage friendships. Don’t instruct how others are to think or feel to be a proper friend to you. If you want them to treat you a certain way, RESPECT them enough to COMMUNICATE. But then again, if you are having to dictate the parameters of a friendship, it’s more than likely a business venture instead. Not everyone who works together should be friends, and not all friends should work together.

Humour.

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There are very few people in this world who don’t like to laugh, but the chances that you’ll actually meet one of those extremely rare individuals is likely about the same as being hit by lightning while riding a cat-shark. Everyone loves a good laugh. Some friendships are built off of that alone. Genuine, true laughter is never forced or expected even. Its free and delightful and incredibly intimate. It can bond and it can be rewarding.
Yes, I am completely overlooking certain types of twisted “humour” that prey on things and people, because that kind of disgusting reproachful “humour” isn’t at all to me. It’s Anti-Humour and it’s worth it’s own conversation at a different time.

Patience.

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It’s not always going to be peaches and cream, tickity-boo. copacetic. Working down the list of foundation items though, sometimes all that is needed is a bit of time to cool things off. Others, it’s just time to walk away. Only you know best within yourself. There does come a point when you have to just be “done” though, and know when to walk away from a toxic person and their poison. My stubborn will has always given everything to a friendship, full in, arms wide, and have the scars as well from where the passion of friendship wasn’t enough to sustain the blows of bullying and cruelty and subversive behaviours, and I get to the stage where I’m just DONE> I walk away. No more pushing. No more lies. No more toxicity. The phone is not attached to my head. Buh-bye. Sometimes being patient comes with a price, so this is the one you need to be most aware of yourself on, and be mindful of your needs first.

Compatibility.

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It’s okay (legitimately) to not have the same interests as your friends. In fact, you may have collided in a less than ideal situation, but formed a tight bond that transcends the traditional checklist of friendship requirements (there is no actual friendship manual, though give us time, and we might make one!). A lot of people form tight long lasting friendships (all relationships should, other than the proviso of family or service-provided start as friendship and grow from there) with others during a crisis, like a fire, or wartime, or even as a new citizen to a country. Some people go looking for a likely possible type of friend, and meet someone they develop surprisingly deep relationships with at a coffee shop, a comic book store, or even at the laundromat.
The compatibility isn’t just about having like-minded things you enjoy doing together. It’s being supportive in the areas you personally wouldn’t have any inclination toward, but you appreciate the devotion and level of commitment your friend has toward the particular situation, and because of that, you want them to succeed.

So, why didn’t I mention some big relationship “buzz words”?

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Love, loyalty, devotion, passion, etc. 
Well, people have different perspectives on those, and it is not as simple as “love your friend”. I mean, it IS, but it’s a Shrek’s-an-onion kind of deal.

There’s a lot more to say about this, and sometime soon, we’ll get in to these areas a bit more. Stay tuned!

 

**originally published on www.dekasteps.com May 22, 2016**

Sera Hicks on Blogger
Sera Hicks
Creative Journey Leader, Intern Supervisor, Admin, Writer at Geeks and Geeklets
Geeky Hobbit-loving Whovian. Lover of chocolate, cats, and crafty things. Writer, Creative Journey Leader. It has to be better tomorrow.