This is the autobiography that America has been waiting for. Ronald Joseph Aaron Burgundy has long been known as one of television’s most respected journalists, and Let Me Off At the Top! My Classy Life & Other Musings chronicles the anchor’s accomplished life in his own words.
Burgundy rose from a meager upbringing in Haggleworth, Iowa, a town with “burning streets and ash heaps and [a] high murder rate” (45). Here, Ron and his seven brothers functioned as the town’s street gang and they habitually terrorized friends, family, and neighbors. In spite of this overwhelming violence, young Ron quickly developed a passion for the jazz flute, relating that “I made my first flute out of a length of steel pipe that my brother Winston tried to beat me with” (25). After attending the Our Lady Queen of Chewbacca High School, Ron left Haggleworth to pursue a now fabled career, and he landed his first big break as the nightly News Anchor for WKXM Tucson.
Mr. Burgundy proceeds to describe intimate details of his life and career, ranging from the assemblage of the perfect news team in San Diego to his one night stand with Bruce Lee. Always known for his sexual exploits, Burgundy holds nothing back in the detailing of his varying and numerous love affairs. In spite of these dalliances, though, he remains married to his longtime love, Veronica Corningstone, whom he speaks of almost as fondly as he does of his dog, Baxter.
This book covers a wide expanse of subject matter. There is a discussion of marriage in which Burgundy explains the origins of the institution: “The Holy Bible teaches us that marriage was invented by Helen of Troy to keep men from ruling over Canaan…Most historians believe the king James Bible was written by Shakespeare anyway, and we all know what a ladies’ man he was” (173). Other enlightening facts include that Ron was secretly involved in running a cockfighting ring with Vice President Walter Mondale and that “George Stephanopoulos wears women’s underwear when he delivers the news” (189). There is also an excerpt from Ron’s upcoming nonfiction book on early Mexican history, titled The Fabulous Fables & Rich Tales of Olden Mexico and Its Regal Peoples, in addition to a chapter simply titled “My Favorite Doodles,” which is a collection of Ron’s favorite doodles.
This memoir reads like the stream-of-consciousness thoughts of a sexually active five-year-old, and I would expect nothing less from Mr. Burgundy. This autobiography is an excellent and necessary companion to the “documentaries” that already exist on Ron Burgundy’s Life,Anchorman and the upcoming Anchorman 2.
Previously Published on toocoolforzuul.com