Interview with a Character Gets LOST
**special note: If you haven’t seen the show, not much of this will make sense, but I did try to keep it as spoiler free as possible – sorry there are a few little bits that might be spoilers, but since the show came out over almost 12 years ago (2004 and ran for 6 years, ending in 2010), if you haven’t wanted to watch it by now, you may want to after this.**
If this is your first time here, you’re going to want to catch up with the previous episodes!
This week, we’re interviewing the following characters:
Hurley (aka Hugo), Sun, and John, though Ben somehow (as usual) finds out and drops in to add his answers too:
What is your favorite word?
B: *looks at John suspiciously* … Knowledge.
2. What is your least favorite word?
J: *mockingly looks at Ben* Wheelchair.
B: *grits teeth, looks away from John* Self-righteous.
J: That’s technically two words, does that really count, Ben? Does it? Or are you trying to manipulate the interview? What is your purpose here anyway?
3. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?
H: Libb… not being scared all the time.
B: How is that a turn on exactly Hugo?
H: Dude, why are you even in here? This isn’t an OTHERS interview. Wait, is The Dharma Initiative doing this interview? Are they probing our brains? What is going on?
S: *comforts Hurley* Beauty and freedom give me creative inspiration.
J: *waves hands* This island.
B: *scoffs at John* Oh, to be so glib and blissfully unaware of one’s own abilities.
H: Dude, seriously, can’t you just be nice, like once? Ever?
B: Hugo, I wasn’t speaking to you. If I was, I would have used smaller words.
S: That is rude, Mr. Linus. Stop this.
B: Three against one, and I’m the bully. *goes silent*
4. What turns you off creatively, spiritually or emotionally?
H: *side glance at Ben* Dave.
*everyone is confused, but Hurley refuses to elaborate*
B: John, don’t you mean, “wheelchair”, or “daddy issues” perhaps?
J: *seething with anger, glares at Ben* Why don’t you answer your own questions, Ben?
B: Disloyalty turns me off. It makes me…upset.
5. What sound or noise do you love?
H: *doesn’t get a chance to say anything*
B: Let me answer for everyone, please? Hugo loves the sound of chicken frying, Sun loves the sound of her now dead lover as he whispers her name, and Johnny here likes the sound of daddy acknowledging he exists. Oh, wait, none of those can ever happen again, can they?
S: You are an evil man.
B: No, your father on the other hand…
S: Don’t you DARE say a word about my father! B: Ooooh, so many daddy issues here in one place. Hugo, just so you don’t feel left out either, let’s talk about daddy leaving you for 17 years…
H: Dude, just shut it okay? Why do you gotta go be so mean all the time?
B: Honesty isn’t always fun, my friend.
H: Dude, I WILL NEVER be your friend.
J: *too angry to talk*
B: Rain. I love the sound of a good thunderstorm. And newborn kittens mewing.
*everyone else is irate*
6. What sound or noise do you hate?
H: S: J: *as one, as if planned* BEN’S VOICE.
B: *chortles* Oh, isn’t that rich.
7. What is your favorite curse word?
H: Oh, come on!
S: It’s untranslatable from Korean.
J: *shakes his head, refusing to say it* Not in front of a lady.
B: *side look at John* Do you mean the adulterous Sun Kwon? I do believe that makes her less than a la…
S: Stop talking about me as if I am not here Mr. Linus!
H: Dude, why do you say his full name?
S: *whispering through gritted teeth* Habit.
8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
H: Oh no dude, I’m not making that mistake again.
B: Yes, you don’t want to destroy another fast food chicken joint now would you, Hugo?
J: Shut it, Ben, leave him alone.
S: *glaring at Ben* Assassin.
B: Tsk Tsk, how would Jin and your father respond to that?
S: *storms out of the room, does not return*
J: Wow, even for you, that’s low.
B: You have no idea how far I will go, Mr. Locke.
9. What profession would you not like to do?
B: *starts to laugh menacingly while looking at Hurley expectantly*
H: Dude, I’m done. I can’t handle his creepy non-eyebrowed face with those huge eyes and his evil laugh and stupid voice and dumbness and…
B: Fast food chicken deep frying lackey who makes boxes in his spare time while donating spare body parts in order to get daddy’s atten…
J: ENOUGH! *John storms out*
H: You’re sick dude, get help. *knocks over his chair while leaving, stumbles, embarrassed, and tries to right it, knocking over Sun’s abandoned chair in the process, bumping into the interviewer and gamboling out of the room as fast as possible, red faced and sweating profusely*
*Jack barges in* WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, BEN?
B: Jack, what’s with the tone? I simply came to have a chance to be famous for five minutes just like our friends.
Jack: YOU HAVE NO FRIENDS, BEN.
B: You wound me, Jack. Have I ever hurt you? Gone back on a promise? No. And yet this is how you repay my kindnesses.
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
Jack: I’m not answering any questions. I told you no when you asked me earlier.
B: Ben, welcome, you’ve been expected for some time, but we’re all so glad you’re here now.
Jack: *laughs loudly and as harshly as possible while he storms out of the room*
B: I do know how to clear a room, don’t I?